Review: Things I found in the woods today

I get bored a lot now that I'm unemployed. Today it's raining really hard in Tampa so I figured it was the best possible day to get some warrior training done. I went out running, which quickly turned to jogging, then walking, then gasping for breath then wandering around in the woods aimlessly. The woods near my house are probably more accurately described as a "hellswamp" or "doom-morass." Needless to say I found all kinds of cool stuff. Unfortunately I didn't have my phone with me to take pictures because it was raining so hard I was afraid it would get water damaged.

Thing 1: A giant turtle that was in the middle of laying eggs.

At least I think it was laying eggs, it was digging a big hole and its butt/lady-turtle-parts was hanging over the hole. I didn't see any eggs and I didn't want to bother her too much. It looked like some sort of Slider or maybe a River Cooter. I rate this turtle and her wicked sick beast nest a 4 out of 5.

Thing 2: A giant skeleton.

Actually not to far from the road I found the remains of something very large and mammal-y. The thing I found was completely skeletonized. The bones were jumbled up and I didn't find a skull so I can't be sure what it was. The only animals I can think around here that would leave a skeleton this size would be a large dog, a Florida panther, a deer, a human, a bear, or a skunk ape. It certainly was not an alligator, or turtle because the limbs where too long, there was not a shell, and there was not a lot of dermal plates like an alligator. The skeleton was pretty cool, but without a skull I can't give it a rating hirer than 3 out of 5.

Now lets do some math! This being Florida the skeletonizing wouldn't have taken very long at all (its hot here, and we have a lot of carrion eating birds and stuff.) Assuming you can take your medical forensics equations from death metal lyrics (HERE) then the critter must have died at most 44 days ago. That is assuming no birds or anything else ate on it, which is a HUGE assumption in these parts. It's probably really been there less than a week.