Saturday, July 9, 2011
Roller Derby
One thing I have been more involved with down in Tampa is the local Roller Derby league: The Tampa Bay Derby Darlins. Tonight I am going to volunteer to act as an NSO at the bout at Skateplex. If you can make it out I highly recommend you come. It's 10 bucks at the door for an hour and a half-ish of entertainment and hard hits. Also there is an afterparty that's always a blast. The Bout is being held at Skateplex in Temple Terrace Doors open at 7 and the afterparty is usually getting going by about 10:30 I think it is being held at the Dogs Bollocks in Ybor.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Review: Things I found in the woods today
I get bored a lot now that I'm unemployed. Today it's raining really hard in Tampa so I figured it was the best possible day to get some warrior training done. I went out running, which quickly turned to jogging, then walking, then gasping for breath then wandering around in the woods aimlessly. The woods near my house are probably more accurately described as a "hellswamp" or "doom-morass." Needless to say I found all kinds of cool stuff. Unfortunately I didn't have my phone with me to take pictures because it was raining so hard I was afraid it would get water damaged.
Thing 1: A giant turtle that was in the middle of laying eggs.
At least I think it was laying eggs, it was digging a big hole and its butt/lady-turtle-parts was hanging over the hole. I didn't see any eggs and I didn't want to bother her too much. It looked like some sort of Slider or maybe a River Cooter. I rate this turtle and her wicked sick beast nest a 4 out of 5.
Thing 2: A giant skeleton.
Actually not to far from the road I found the remains of something very large and mammal-y. The thing I found was completely skeletonized. The bones were jumbled up and I didn't find a skull so I can't be sure what it was. The only animals I can think around here that would leave a skeleton this size would be a large dog, a Florida panther, a deer, a human, a bear, or a skunk ape. It certainly was not an alligator, or turtle because the limbs where too long, there was not a shell, and there was not a lot of dermal plates like an alligator. The skeleton was pretty cool, but without a skull I can't give it a rating hirer than 3 out of 5.
Now lets do some math! This being Florida the skeletonizing wouldn't have taken very long at all (its hot here, and we have a lot of carrion eating birds and stuff.) Assuming you can take your medical forensics equations from death metal lyrics (HERE) then the critter must have died at most 44 days ago. That is assuming no birds or anything else ate on it, which is a HUGE assumption in these parts. It's probably really been there less than a week.
Thing 1: A giant turtle that was in the middle of laying eggs.
At least I think it was laying eggs, it was digging a big hole and its butt/lady-turtle-parts was hanging over the hole. I didn't see any eggs and I didn't want to bother her too much. It looked like some sort of Slider or maybe a River Cooter. I rate this turtle and her wicked sick beast nest a 4 out of 5.
Thing 2: A giant skeleton.
Actually not to far from the road I found the remains of something very large and mammal-y. The thing I found was completely skeletonized. The bones were jumbled up and I didn't find a skull so I can't be sure what it was. The only animals I can think around here that would leave a skeleton this size would be a large dog, a Florida panther, a deer, a human, a bear, or a skunk ape. It certainly was not an alligator, or turtle because the limbs where too long, there was not a shell, and there was not a lot of dermal plates like an alligator. The skeleton was pretty cool, but without a skull I can't give it a rating hirer than 3 out of 5.
Now lets do some math! This being Florida the skeletonizing wouldn't have taken very long at all (its hot here, and we have a lot of carrion eating birds and stuff.) Assuming you can take your medical forensics equations from death metal lyrics (HERE) then the critter must have died at most 44 days ago. That is assuming no birds or anything else ate on it, which is a HUGE assumption in these parts. It's probably really been there less than a week.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Announcement: Monathalon
So, one thing I do a lot now is watch music videos on youtube.com. I know what you're thinking. "Hey Warrior, couldn't you be doing something more useful with your time? Training for battle or inventing new anti-biotics?" You know what, you are right. That is why I am hereby officially announcing that in 6 months a new sport will explode the dank swamps of Tampa Florida: The Tampa Monathlon.
What is a Monathlon you say? You are familiar with a Triathlon, where you run, swim and bike over the course of a day? Well I don't have all day. In the Monathlon you run through waist deep water while carrying a bike.
Rules: you run a half mile course in waist deep water carrying a bike. First Monathalete to cross the finish line wins. The bike has to be fully functional and ride-able. Anybody with a questionable bike will be asked by the judges to ride on it for 200 yards. The Monathlon is open to all competitors, reguarless of age, gender or athletic ability. There are no divisions, everybody races every body else.
Saturday January 7th, Location to be announced. Monathletes respond in the comments to sign up.
I'm serious. This is happening. Even if I am the only one to run it.
What is a Monathlon you say? You are familiar with a Triathlon, where you run, swim and bike over the course of a day? Well I don't have all day. In the Monathlon you run through waist deep water while carrying a bike.
Rules: you run a half mile course in waist deep water carrying a bike. First Monathalete to cross the finish line wins. The bike has to be fully functional and ride-able. Anybody with a questionable bike will be asked by the judges to ride on it for 200 yards. The Monathlon is open to all competitors, reguarless of age, gender or athletic ability. There are no divisions, everybody races every body else.
Saturday January 7th, Location to be announced. Monathletes respond in the comments to sign up.
I'm serious. This is happening. Even if I am the only one to run it.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
In Which I Try and Fail to Explain why the Illuminatus! Trilogy is so Great.
It's been a while since I wrote anything on here. I am bored today so lets talk about some books. I'm a bit of a reader and surprisingly I've read a lot of books since I last updated. I don't really remember them all and while a few of them undoubtedly had awesome covers, I cant really remember which ones did and didn't. The book I plan on reviewing today has a pretty normal looking cover so I won't even really bother judging it today. (Take that name of my blog!) I also recently picked up a netflix subscription so expect a lot more movie reviews. (At my current rate of writing you can expect those reviews a few weeks before judgement day, probably around 2021).
Today I am reviewing a huge book. Actually a trilogy.
Review: Illuminatus! Trilogy
The Illuminatus! Trilogy (always spelled with the exclamation point) is series of sci-fi/fantasy novels from the early 70's that focus on conspiracy, philosophy, horror, sex and comedy in pretty equal measures. The Trilogy is technically composed of three novels, but pretty much the only way to buy them now-a-days is to get the omnibus edition with all three in one volume. This is how I read them and I don't think they suffer at all from being condensed like this.
The novels were co-written by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson, who were employed as editors of Playboy Magazine at the time. Notice that I also wrote a review of The Guinea Pig Diaries by A. J. Jacobs, who is an editor at Esquire Magazine. Apparently being the editor of a crappy nudie mag equips you with the skills needed to be an awesome author. I enjoyed both the Guinea Pig Diaries and the Illuminatus! Trilogy immensely.
Part of Shea and Wilson's duties at Playboy was to read and publish letters to the editors. Back before the internet, I guess crazy people just sent their crazy theories to Playboy where they were read by Shea and Wilson. The duo started playing a game with one another where they tried to imagine what the world was like if all the conspiracy theorists sending them letters were right: JFK really was assassinated by the mob, satanists, the Illuminati and aliens... all at the same time, John Dillinger was alive and well in 1970, Atlantis existed, but was also only a myth, Gods exist but religion is a lie, Ayn Rand's philosophy of Objectivism is the only thing that will save the free market, The being we call Satan is really an immortal Atlantean who discovered science, and so on an so forth. Shea and Wilson were having so much fun trying to fit all these crazy conspiracies together that they decided to write everything down in the form of a novel. Eventually the idea got split into three novels and the Illuminatus! Trilogy was born.
The cool thing about the Illuminatus! Trilogy is that it (especially the first book) acts like a primer on critical thinking. The entire first novel is dedicated to presenting new characters with new philosophical ideas (say, a submarine full of Objectivist Anarchists, or a tantric sex loving Satanist, or a Discordian that feels like she came from a blaxploitation movie) and then ripping that philosophical belief to shreds. Over the course of the novel pretty much no philosophy is left unscathed. Religion, politics, and economics are all completely destroyed and built back up again over an over again. The authors have a knack for making you identify with each new character only to have them and their personal philosphies discredited a few pages later. By the end of the first book in the trilogy your brain is trained to think critically about each new philosophy presented to you. It really makes you wonder how many people who have read the Illuminatus! Trilogy go on to be keen critical thinkers in their real lives? Of course if you are a person who prescribes to a particular philosphy you will probably find a lot to be offended about in the books as nothing is sacred to the authors.
The plot of the trilogy is way to complex to summarize here. It is pretty much the story of a newspaper editor who gets caught up in several world wide conspiracies after investigating rumors related to the Illuminati. That really doesn't do the book justice though, as the plot veers wildly from plot point to plot point. It's hard to explain and while you're reading the novels, you honestly never know what is going to happen next.
The book is also written in a style that will drive many readers crazy. It is presented out of chronological order and from the perspective of several characters at the same time. Sometimes the perspective jumps from one character to another in the middle of a paragraph. It's made even more complicated by the fact that many (if not most) of the characters are telepathic to some degree, and are capable of viewing other peoples experiences. It's not unusual for a character to watch an event unfold from another characters point of view, then suddenly leap back in time a few weeks and view the events that lead up to the first event from the perspective of several other characters. It's a challenging read and you will find yourself re-reading passages two or three times just trying to wrap your head around which characters are actually present for events, much less what actually happened. That makes it sound daunting, but its actually quite fun. I have not enjoyed a book this much for its style in quite some time.
I have failed to mention up until this point that Illuminatus! is hilarious. Ask the The Lady Warrior. She frequently caught me laughing out loud while reading the book. Hardly a page goes by that doesn't have some kind of joke or gag on it. A lot of the gags are really very clever. For example, early in the second book there is a section that talks about acronyms and their importance in the occult and in secret societies. A few pages later an organization is introduced called the White Heroes Opposing Red Extremism. The book doesn't draw attention to the acronym formed by that name, but because you had just a few pages ago, read how important acronyms are, the name jumps right out at you.
Finally I should note that there is BOATLOADS of sex, violence, drug use, and the occult in this trilogy. I enjoy all that stuff in fiction but if you're uncomfortable with any of that, you might as well avoid Illuminatus!. (double punctuation... weird.) If you are comfortable with all that stuff and you want to read what is probably the craziest fictional account of the JFK assassination ever, then Illumintus! might be for you.
Today I am reviewing a huge book. Actually a trilogy.
Review: Illuminatus! Trilogy
The Illuminatus! Trilogy (always spelled with the exclamation point) is series of sci-fi/fantasy novels from the early 70's that focus on conspiracy, philosophy, horror, sex and comedy in pretty equal measures. The Trilogy is technically composed of three novels, but pretty much the only way to buy them now-a-days is to get the omnibus edition with all three in one volume. This is how I read them and I don't think they suffer at all from being condensed like this.
The novels were co-written by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson, who were employed as editors of Playboy Magazine at the time. Notice that I also wrote a review of The Guinea Pig Diaries by A. J. Jacobs, who is an editor at Esquire Magazine. Apparently being the editor of a crappy nudie mag equips you with the skills needed to be an awesome author. I enjoyed both the Guinea Pig Diaries and the Illuminatus! Trilogy immensely.
Part of Shea and Wilson's duties at Playboy was to read and publish letters to the editors. Back before the internet, I guess crazy people just sent their crazy theories to Playboy where they were read by Shea and Wilson. The duo started playing a game with one another where they tried to imagine what the world was like if all the conspiracy theorists sending them letters were right: JFK really was assassinated by the mob, satanists, the Illuminati and aliens... all at the same time, John Dillinger was alive and well in 1970, Atlantis existed, but was also only a myth, Gods exist but religion is a lie, Ayn Rand's philosophy of Objectivism is the only thing that will save the free market, The being we call Satan is really an immortal Atlantean who discovered science, and so on an so forth. Shea and Wilson were having so much fun trying to fit all these crazy conspiracies together that they decided to write everything down in the form of a novel. Eventually the idea got split into three novels and the Illuminatus! Trilogy was born.
The cool thing about the Illuminatus! Trilogy is that it (especially the first book) acts like a primer on critical thinking. The entire first novel is dedicated to presenting new characters with new philosophical ideas (say, a submarine full of Objectivist Anarchists, or a tantric sex loving Satanist, or a Discordian that feels like she came from a blaxploitation movie) and then ripping that philosophical belief to shreds. Over the course of the novel pretty much no philosophy is left unscathed. Religion, politics, and economics are all completely destroyed and built back up again over an over again. The authors have a knack for making you identify with each new character only to have them and their personal philosphies discredited a few pages later. By the end of the first book in the trilogy your brain is trained to think critically about each new philosophy presented to you. It really makes you wonder how many people who have read the Illuminatus! Trilogy go on to be keen critical thinkers in their real lives? Of course if you are a person who prescribes to a particular philosphy you will probably find a lot to be offended about in the books as nothing is sacred to the authors.
The plot of the trilogy is way to complex to summarize here. It is pretty much the story of a newspaper editor who gets caught up in several world wide conspiracies after investigating rumors related to the Illuminati. That really doesn't do the book justice though, as the plot veers wildly from plot point to plot point. It's hard to explain and while you're reading the novels, you honestly never know what is going to happen next.
The book is also written in a style that will drive many readers crazy. It is presented out of chronological order and from the perspective of several characters at the same time. Sometimes the perspective jumps from one character to another in the middle of a paragraph. It's made even more complicated by the fact that many (if not most) of the characters are telepathic to some degree, and are capable of viewing other peoples experiences. It's not unusual for a character to watch an event unfold from another characters point of view, then suddenly leap back in time a few weeks and view the events that lead up to the first event from the perspective of several other characters. It's a challenging read and you will find yourself re-reading passages two or three times just trying to wrap your head around which characters are actually present for events, much less what actually happened. That makes it sound daunting, but its actually quite fun. I have not enjoyed a book this much for its style in quite some time.
I have failed to mention up until this point that Illuminatus! is hilarious. Ask the The Lady Warrior. She frequently caught me laughing out loud while reading the book. Hardly a page goes by that doesn't have some kind of joke or gag on it. A lot of the gags are really very clever. For example, early in the second book there is a section that talks about acronyms and their importance in the occult and in secret societies. A few pages later an organization is introduced called the White Heroes Opposing Red Extremism. The book doesn't draw attention to the acronym formed by that name, but because you had just a few pages ago, read how important acronyms are, the name jumps right out at you.
Finally I should note that there is BOATLOADS of sex, violence, drug use, and the occult in this trilogy. I enjoy all that stuff in fiction but if you're uncomfortable with any of that, you might as well avoid Illuminatus!. (double punctuation... weird.) If you are comfortable with all that stuff and you want to read what is probably the craziest fictional account of the JFK assassination ever, then Illumintus! might be for you.
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